Wednesday, 28 August 2013

Awesome excerpts

We have been writing descriptions that show not tell what we are writing about so our reader can have the same picture in their head as we do.
Day at the beach.
When I got out of the car I said "ouch, ouch, ouch" as I tiptoed across the burning yellowness. It felt like I was stung by a bumblebee. I poured the cold, dull, rough stuff into my tall, blue circle. Plop, plop, plop went the cold stuff as I made the base.  I patted it into shape and watched some of it crumble down the slope.  Pushing down that cool shape....Bye bye ...the bright yellow stuff, as crunchy as dry cereal blew, into my eyes.
While I gripped my fluffy drier in my teeth I squiggled and squeezed into my shiny swim skin. I cut the ocean like a knife and the cold smashed my face. Even though it was freezing I was warm immediately I splashed in the freezing salty pond like a dolphin. I bombed into the freezing liquid. SPLASH!!
The tiny, gritty dust flicked in my face as I ran for the goal. Yellow crispies stuck to my feet while I was goalie. My black and white, bouncy friend flew in the air one way and then the other.
I smelled the sweetness coming from the box of sticky, tiny goody monsters Mum had packed.

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